Something Sort of Something: A Palpable Update

Since the last few entries have been aired more on the side of reflections.
Here is more of a palpable update:

I’ve been going through a something sort of something… but, I think it’s getting better now.

Taught round one of Adult Acting Classes up on the mountain. It apparently was a success because all of my students requested that I continue to offer them. So, round two begun last Monday. I am learning a lot about how to speak basics, while simultaneously accommodating the variety of different needs of the individual student. Grateful to have students that are pushing me to expand as a teacher. Lake Arrowhead children and adults classes are available for you! 

The Radiate Wellness Community has featured my blog post “Epiphany of Breathe”. !!!

My dear friend, Amina Teachout, opened up her yoga studio, Playscape, this last month. I’ve been connecting with a really wonderful community there. The friendships I’m beginning to cultivate up here hold such a unique balance of mutual love, wisdom, and support. It’s pretty freaking awesome. Oh, and I got to clown around at the opening, which was fun– Spatula tried to practice the yoga poses, literally.  Did you know downward dogs actually bark? Woof!


I started taking some improv classes at the Groundlings down in LA this past week. It feels really good to be practicing, playing, and going back to the basics. It’s also really nice to be splitting time half in the city, half in the mountain. Great to be meeting new people and be at a different pace.Very grateful for the friends who are offering a place for me to sleep two nights a week, this saves me five hours, $20 bucks in gas, and a whole lot of emotional energy of going up and down that mountain! Plus, I get to do some city exploring. YAY FOR FRIENDS!

Safety Sue made her first radio appearance on an NPR show called “American Parlor Song Book” …. About halfway through the bureaucracy, you’ll find Safety Sue sharing her experience with the government. Check out episode “4/27/18 – Pushing Pencils”  !!! National exposure, oh yeah!


I have finally launched a Patreon account. Patron is a website that allows “fans” to subscribe to an artists work. I’ve chosen to do this on a monthly basis. So… if you enjoy my blog posts, youtube creations, artistic/teaching presence in various different communities, AND you have a couple extra bones to toss my (and NutMeg’s) way each month, it’d make a big difference. CLICK HERE TO START YOUR SUBSCRIPTION. If everyone on this mailing list subscribed only $3 monthly, my body would be properly nourished all month long. On average, it takes me at least six hours of writing/editing per blog post. It’d be really rad if my part time random jobs could subside so I could focus on generating more consistently and confidently! 

You’ll really be supporting a lot of different projects and communities with your $$$. Example being: the development of my new comedy show, “Lake Arrowhead Live: A Mountain Comedy Show” ..  to be performed June 16th at 7pm at the Tudor House in Lake Arrowhead!

There was an incident at the bus involving county code enforcement. The whole thing was quite absurd and upsetting. I haven’t received a written notice of anything, so I’m not taking it too seriously— but it has provoked a trying to understand of what my rights are. Apparently, it’s illegal to live on your own land in an RV, however it’s not illegal to park on the street and live in your RV as long as you move it every once and awhile. The code people came because of a complaint.  How could I be bothering anyone? I live quietly as a meditative writer that lives efficiently in a bus next to a meadow. On a weekly basis, I see more wildlife than I do people. I see coyotes everyday, we’re all on a first name basis now. Recently, I SAW A BABY MOUNTAIN LION and a week later I saw a BEAR, oh yes a bear– not so way over there. Here is proof!
Anyway, I will, of course, find ways around this should there be further issues— cause what’s the point of owning land if you can’t live the way you very (environmentally) consciously choose to?

I heard a quote recently on This American Life by a Creek Indian Chief that is sitting strong with me. “I have thought that the white men wanted to bring burden and ache of heart among my people in driving them from their homes and yoking them with laws they do not understand.”

There are so many laws these days. My neighbor said that between county, state, and federal laws, the average Californian breaks twenty laws a day without even knowing it. Having a written set understandings to honor those around us is valuable, but when does it become too much? I question where the line between protection and freedom needs to be drawn. The government (among many other aspects of this world) is far too in their heads, not enough in their hearts.

I feel this about personal relationships too. We can get through fear and conflict, if everyone is willing to face it. Deeper compassion evokes greater collaboration. Simple as that…

But, I’m sure, as with all things, balanced will be achieved and all will someday will be in harmony. *light shines from heavens*

and until then….  I shall meditate and occasionally scream, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTF IS GOING ON HERE?”.

and the response I will get from NutMeg will look like this:


(the emotional support dog that doesn’t even care about my feelings…whatever, Nut.)

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Something Sort of Something: A Palpable Update

Most Magical Place on Earth: Disneyland or India?

Been a couple of weeks of full on fun and adventure. I’ve been pretty immersed in teaching, clowning around, connecting with people and the land. I’ve been in a deep practice of total presence, I am rarely anywhere but where I am.

My mind is occupied by what is happening more often than what could be happening or what has happened. I’d say only about 8% of my thoughts lately have even gone else where. If I take a perspective switch, thinking about where I come from verses where I am now, I’m baffled by the wonder of my reality. Change and acceptance of such happens as immediately as if in a dream. Perhaps this is the dream, perhaps I have transcended reality by accepting that all things are exactly as my heart/mind/spirit whatever calls them to be.

The last three weeks have contained the following highlights:

– Taught a fifteen hour clowning workshop in Delhi. It was my first clown intensive. The first day, I tried hard at being an organized teacher with an official lesson plan with clear lessons to learn. I failed at this miserably, as that day the workshop was bulky, forced, and awkward. Next two days, I just taught freely. Lesson learned. Never try to be anything, but simply be and you will become.

The more I trusted myself, the more I discovered. I found new lessons/games/activities to express what I was trying to communicate. Clown is difficult to teach because it’s not concrete, there isn’t a proven science to what is funny. We’ve noticed themes, but in the end, sometimes we laugh and sometimes we don’t.

Clown is about juxtaposition or opposites. You have to be able to be high and low, big and small, making switches within a matter of seconds. You have to ‘be buoyant’ my teacher Ronlin Foreman would say.  In a sense, you have to overcome duality to be able to play both sides of it. It’s something you can try to explain, but mostly it’s something you have to experience, something you have to do. We all know when it works, and we all feel awkward when it doesn’t. We learn from both success and failure and embrace both equally.

– Now remember, I am also teaching students whose second language is English… And the whole class as different proficiency levels of speaking and understanding.  Not only do I have to explain these things simply and clearly, I have to repeat myself at least three times. If they do something different than what I explained, then I have to embrace it as my failure and embrace their offering however it may come. We all learn something.

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– India is the most confusing place. It’s also super inefficient. It feels like mercury is always retrograde (an astrological time when things are seemingly harder to get done). I find that, that if you can condition yourself  to be unattached to the plan or to certain outcome– the adventure can be quite delightful, filled with surprises and humor of mishaps. Life creates a more interesting story than the one you planned in your head. The best plan is always an outline of what you’d like to happen, but being open to how and when it happens!

– Peacocks are the most beautiful chickens. I was once told in India that a male peacocks tear is how the female gets pregnant. I’m not sure if that meant the female peacock, or if I get pregnant… Regardless, when I’ve seen peacocks, I now keep my distance.

– I joined a band of mystics. Well, Safety Sue and I both joined.

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– I joined an Osho Cult for a week. Osho is a mystical guru that gained a huge following many years back. I was asked to buy and wear a maroon robe, to which I immediately was like “what the fuck, no!” … But, I did it. After a week of “opening my heart” and doing tantra exercises with strangers… I came to love every person there. I will likely never embrace or undergo any sort of religious following or workshop of any deity or human– I love my own sense of discovery too much… But these OSHO people were all complete joy to be around. Each loving, accepting, and playful. They actually all embraced me as their village clown. I laughed at “inappropriate” times and mimicked many of the leaders/teachers/organizers. I think through my presence, they learned the power of being open and present, in not just the mind or heart, but also the body and the spirit– all connected all as one, all perfect as it currently stands.

– Spent a week in Varanasi… Where I saw Magie and Spencer (my KC/Thailand cronies) AND Jesse and Raj (my travel buddies from December/January). It was so neat to have a mixing of worlds! They also helped me shoot some Safety Sue videos, to be released later this week!

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See Jesse’s photography at http://inspirationtravels.com/
Ready Magie and Spencer’s sweet blog distantvisionsofcurry.com

– I saw a snake charmer and held a cobra around my neck. I felt that a part of my journey in India was to overcome the last bits of my earlier fear of snakes. The man said “no, no, not poisonous.” I believed him and had this mystical creature around my neck. Soon the snake went back to it’s snake basket, and on it’s way the other snake bit it and poison came out. Right on. I also had the secret belief that by holding a snake my weird, peeling skin on my heart chakra area would clear up. I have noticed no difference… I will release that belief now.

– Danced on the ghats (river bank) with a stranger and two hours later someone in the middle of the city recognized me. I asked if that meant I was “famous”. In India, so many things are famous.

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(photos by Spencer Sight)

 – Also every store in India also has “the best” products. There is a lot of exaggerating in India or adding ‘masala’ (spice). One man came up to me, making fun of his own culture. “Will you come to my shitty shop? It has the shittiest scarves, shittiest clothes, everything is complete shit. I have the shittiest workers and it’s the  shittiest location, but will you please come to my shitty shop? By the way, my shitty name is Shit.” He went on for five/ten minutes. It was impressive and odd.

-Took a train to Bodhgaya, the tree under which Buddha received his ‘enlightenment’. I felt drawn to go there since the beginning of the trip, it’s like the one touristy thing on my list.

I took the train from Varanasi. It was super hot and I had an intense case of hay fever. I was dazed. The train arrived at Gaya, and departed from Gaya. I watched out the window as the sign for “Gaya” passed by. Oh. Wait. That was, uh, my stop. I grabbed my bag in order to leap off the train, but an Indian man blocked the door “very dangerous, don’t do it.” …

My thoughts were as follows:
“You are an idiot.”
“I can still jump this train! Let me out.”
“Oh Buddha! You’ve done it again. You and your lessons of unattachment. You funny man you.”
“Well, that’s it. You’ve missed your chance at enlightenment.”
“No, Hailey. You are the Buddha and always have been. All the incite you need has always been within you. You have already attained what you seek.”

From Varanasi to my later destination of Kolkata was twenty four hours of being a train or being on a train platform. The metaphors of being on a train: being on the right track, the right path, always going to or from, waiting for the train… Hard to articulate the words of the clarity I received from the experience as a whole. As I’ve said before, enlightenment isn’t a destination, it’s a way of being a practice and journey to conscious thinking and awareness of the experience of existence as a whole.

It took Buddha 40 days of sitting in one place to achieve enlightenment. Me? I don’t know when it happened as it’s been a process. I just know things are different for me in a big way. I see and feel it in everything I do. I felt the seeds of it in the recent years in the states, but here in the East… it has just happened. I can feel the difference in every fiber of my being and it hasn’t gone away. I will spend the next while of my existence learning how to articulate it better for those who care to listen/read. I’m actively trying to find ways to universally communicate.

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– Currently in Agartala, Tripura. It’s over in the arm of India, next to Bangladesh (which I popped into for a whole minute). I’m super thankful to be teaching clown/movement/meditation for students at the National School of Drama. I have been given a wonderful place to stay, have been meeting such great, pure people. Out of all my travel in India, this is the place feels the most like home/feels the most like a place I could set up camp for awhile. It’s a unique fusion off tribal culture, modern life, and communism (the kind that brings order). There are great museums, wild pythons, and many thunderstorms.

The school here that is training actors as teachers— for children. They’ve been a challenging group to teach as their both checked out and in and the same time. They are all in their heads, but aware of their bodies. They are mostly older than me. I feel very surrendered in their class to teaching the first activity that comes to mind, then they ask the question “what is the purpose”— which i always encourage students to find on their own.

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– Saw the most badass mask and dance performance. it put america to shame. tap-dance with with no shoes (katik), and full on mask work with dramatic/dynamic acrobatics. i was jaw dropped for serious.

-The Bangladesh boarder has a  daily flag ceremony. This involves the SILLIEST walk I have ever seen. I will share videos when I get back home. Or maybe Safety Sue will do something on it.

When taking down the flag, they also do an Indian taps. It’s a joyous little trumpet celebrating the day. It sounds like “Yay! Today was great. The sun was shining and I want to do the same thing again tomorrow!!!” The contrast to the depressing one that America does “day is done, gone the sun..”/”Why live! The same thing is just going to happen again tomorrow.” Tigger verus Eeyore.

– I’ve received many confirmations on writing a book lately. I’m doing it! I’m trying!

– It’s hard to imagine not being here in India. I feel fully adjusted to my nomad clown, teacher, saddu lifestyle. Memories of the past and the states come to me from time to time, but they’re all things I feel comfortable releasing. I will be applying for my ten year visa so I am able to come and go as I please. I keep being told “INDIA NEEDS YOU.” and being asked to stay. I say go where there is the most opportunity. My big Hollywood career I’ve always dreamed about could happen here. Only it’s Bollywood instead, which I think we can all agree I’m better suited for anyway (besides not being Indian).

– I think India could challenge Disneyland for being “the most magical place on earth.” Hard to believe I leave in one week. Then it’s a month in Nepal. Then back to the states until at least the end of July. We’ll see how opportunity unfolds.

– And in closing…
This a thought I had the other day:
“When the thing you miss most about America is tortilla chips, you’re really missing Mexico.”

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Most Magical Place on Earth: Disneyland or India?

The Hogwarts of the Himalayas– And Color Magic!

Been in the Himachal Pradesh for the last ten days now. I seriously cannot get enough of these mountains. As odd as my experiences have been here at times, I embrace the mountains as the mountains embrace me. With a cold wind, with a gentle touch.

So things I learned this week:

The school I am teaching at is an acting school for all men, average age 20-25. About 33% of the class understands English well.

These boys are all DELIGHTFULLY silly. The way they move in their bodies. The way they express themselves. The way they act like they understand what i’m saying even know we both know that they haven’t a clue. Lots of characters. For my Dell’Artians friendels, it’s like a school filled with Dilans and Lloyds.

I’ve given them all nicknames (a technique learned in Thailand and from Mooky). We had a snow monster, dancer boy, sneaky, sweetie, etc…

Teaching physical theatre without language should seemingly be easy. It’s not.

Teaching physical theatre without language is an honest way of learning physical theatre.

I was asked to teach voice. 1. I am not a voice teacher. 2. How?— I just imagine myself coaching a monologue in Hindi… “Can you say that again? I didn’t understand you. Nope still didn’t get that… Articulate.” Not a good one.

My internet stopped working day three of being in the Himalayas. Forcing to read, write, and converse with others. It’s so nice to be a teacher, I’ve a set part of the day I have to do something, which keeps me structured in doing other things.

It is so peaceful here. Quiet. Still. Beautiful mountains, I love you.

Holi is the festival of color. I opened my door upon waking up and was immediately covered in all sorts of bright colored power. That was the most colorful morning of my life. I really like that India celebrates things like “light” and “color”… that kind of celebration makes sense to me. What is Christmas anyway?

I am a very excitable person and articulate large deep things. English speaker or not, I need to slow down because most people are not keeping up with me.

I commonly use the phrases “Preparing for the next chapter” or “I’m in a transitional phase.” To describe my everyday existence. I am still often unsure of when the next chapter begins (or has begun).

I have no answer to the question “Why are you in India?” — the “I had a vision of a Vishnu” story is old and too complicated to explain. Also, I’ve told it too many times that I don’t even believe it anymore.

Safety Sue is my best friend. I spend more time with her than myself.

I want someone to be smart enough to be able to articulate time in a way that explains why our dreams can tell us the future. Also learn to interpret them without a bullshit old times “dreams interpretation” book.

Naturally, two great books have fallen into my consciousness in that last few weeks. Siddartha by Herman Hesse (fiction, philosophy) and Waking Up by Sam Harris. Both are about merging east and west ways of being. The largest principles I am gathering (through the books and my own natural understanding)… 1. Non-religious and non-new age practices mixed with meditation. Just mindfulness meditation. 2. The importance of individual within community. The west is very individualist, thus creating a frequent conflict of egos, but great innovation. The east is more community based, thus creating a wash of worker ants that get the work done, but not much innovating. Further working to help guide others to understanding that being a balanced being is about listening and respecting others as we are all strong beings contributing to a whole. 3. Depression is an object of the mind thinking without action and not allowing to see both the subjective and the objective as the same time.

My hindi in the last week has gone from that of a 18 month old to about a shy two and a half year old. I am enjoying learning new words, and am even more enjoying how pleased these people are when I speak their words. I think a year long emersion and maybe a couple of children’s books would get me into a solid place of being able to teach physical work in Hindi.

I have no way of getting money right now (my debit card was eaten in Thailand, and my credit card was hacked.). I’m really surrendering to the gifts of this society. I’m working to be in a place in my life where I trust that I will be taken care of, by people, by the flow of the universe. I have complete trust in my experience however the story writes itself. My teaching jobs offer me food and place to stay (payment enough for me, although I take whatever gifts are offered).

I have been having the most interesting dreams lately. So vivid and so real. I keep getting really specific dates in my dreams of when I’m going to get married or have a baby. Time is a funny thing. Dreams are also funny.

I’m feeling much older lately than ever before, but so present in my own being. Everything that unfolds in my life contains such complex beauty, that I can be filled with nothing but growth and gratitude.

As far as future goes, the plan is still on. I am stoked for my vipassana retreat in late April. And I am stoked for Nepal (more Himalayas). Overall though, I am having a hard time visualizing coming back home in May. It’ll be a good check-in, but until I am committed to teaching and projects it still feels odd to imagine being back.

Putting out a call for someone to join me on the road for the next round. Help me as a collaborator in Safety Sue’s show— I need someone who can help film and edit, bounce ideas off of. Airfare covered!

I’ve been on this follow the “yes train” … go where opportunity calls. After sending four emails to Africa, nothing. India and Nepal are all about my presence. America, haven’t heard much from you. Just received an e-mail from a festival in Greece in July…

People are still going to love you, no matter who you are. That’s the joy of being a human and connecting with others.

I’ve decided to write a chapter book with the detailed stories of my India adventure. Multiple times, after telling a story, I hear the line “well, that’s unlike anything I’ve ever heard before.” … So I feel that my desire to live a magical existence filled with adventure, calls for some more story telling. I was thinking of calling it Eat Shit Love, it’s like Eat Pray Love, but different. (disclaimer, I’ve never read eat pray love, but if one more person asks if that’s the reason I came to India I will do something dramatic— like a shakespeare monologue).

Blurred boundaries. In reality to dreams. In self and expression. In public and privacy. I feel very whole and don’t feel the need to separate, although I realize that some people make separations.

My hair is growing very quickly. I also enjoy wearing my safety sue wig and hat as it’s the only way to have a warm head in the mountain air.

I have been given so many wonderful gifts on this trip.

I like eating a banana before going to bed. My friend Andy Perkins once said it makes your dreams more vivid. And I’ll believe anything Andy Perkins says, especially if it contains a pun.

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While I was away from America, I was actually promoted to the “Artistic Producer of Hollywood”… now as you can imagine, this is a pretty big deal. And I’m pretty famous. (And with 211 likes… you better believe I’m almost on the D+ list of celebrities).

The Hogwarts of the Himalayas– And Color Magic!