Hummingbird.

An afternoon, not too long ago…. I was meditating, hoping to relax my brain enough so that, perhaps I could fall asleep. Right as I was beginning to cross the threshold of consciousness into perhaps of restful slumber something flew into my bus. I heard the buzz of wigs and NutMeg beginning to get riled up.

I went to the front windshield where I encountered a beautiful hummingbird trying desperately to get out only to find itself trapped. I moved some books out of the way that were disabling the hummingbirds full range of motion. Upon moving the books, the wings fluttered, and again, this little bird kept bumping against the glass. I tried to encourage it with words. “All you have to do is fly through this  open window less than eight inches away, it’s right here!”

It stopped moving seemingly calmed by my presence. We locked eyes. There I saw this bird, a symbol of joy and happiness, afraid— stuck. I watched it’s breathing, it’s heart beat, which is generally quite fast, begin to slow. This little bird and I gazed into each others eyes. Soon, it started fluttering again hitting the window, repeatedly unable to break through to get to where it was meant to be. It kept trying to go one way, over and over again without any success.

I had the idea to block it’s vision of the glass. I grabbed a piece of paper and slid it over the windshield where the hummingbird was trying to fly. Immediately, it turned and flew out the open window eight inches away.

How often we are that little bird— we see so clearly what we want, but we are blindsided by how to get there. We try the same thing over and over again, with little to no success. But, if when we find a way to free ourselves from how it should go, into how it’s going, we actually open ourselves to finding the way of getting there.

An afternoon, not too long ago, I saw a hummingbird, the essence of joy, admit that it was afraid. And I too, must stop sometimes and acknowledge the fear I feel.

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Hummingbird.

Looking for the Guava Tree in the Mango Orchard

After a week outdoors on a piece out land outside of Chiang Dao-Thailand, I found the little shambhala in my heart at a music festival called “Shambabla in Your Heart”. If you were there, I might have found the shambhala in yours too. It was a week of just good vibes, music, mixing cultures, cultivating deeper friendships, hot springs, and sorting some mind jumble out.

During one of the days, I found myself sitting alone in a mango orchard. I tried a new form of meditation. I sat completely still while I spoke all my thoughts as they entered, exited, and floated about my brain. I sat there so still that the bees began to mistake me for a flower from which they draw there sweet nectar. I contemplated the sensations of what it would be like to disintegrate fully into the earth and become “one” with everything.  In the sheer state of imagining, I felt complete with all things. I felt I held all knowledge, becoming and collapsing duality. I saw no separation in the contradictions of the world. Science became spiritual, spiritual became science. Myth and truth together as one. Different words to describe each.

The image I came to was seeing all of human existence as a part of one brain. The neuron that misfires sends signals to all it’s other connections. When someone in our lives is unhappy, we feel them. If your spine is out of alinement, your muscles begin to cramp. This is the transference of energy. It is cause and affect. There is a seemingly unseen component that in a greater state of awareness state we can work to heal. Seeing that all is connected. Being awake, or being conscious, is a way of living that invokes a greater desire to see and understand that all things are connected. Living in a way of enlightenment is having love and bliss in this conscious state. It’s not painted on either, it’s a true wave of the immense beauty that we are surrounded by. People, nature, buildings, darkness, all of it feeling divine.

It is blissful to be naive, sure. But, we cannot remain in this state all our lives. We meet the people we need to, that give us the greater tools for expansion. Random or not, the purpose of our relationships and situations is up to us in this enlightened stage to be in the flow of us. Enlightenment doesn’t have to be sitting on a rock in isolation. It can be in the middle of the busiest city while giving a speech to millions of people. We are human, we are made of matter. Most of us have not found a way to escape this during our everyday lives.

The struggles of the highs and lows of the human experience is constant. It seems that that to be in the place of bliss and in a state of “all knowing” is releasing ourselves from the experience of being human. Is there an ability to be light while matter? Can we maintain clarity and balanced perspective of both singular and objective? How feel that our contributions to the world are enough? How to we continue to find satisfaction in our journey and release ourself from our own projected suffering?

The immense “challenges” of the journey so far have shaken me up quite a bit… I come out of it in a contradiction that I wish my brain could actually link together the duality. Everything comes full circles. And circles get boring after awhile. I  guess personally, I’m tired of the new age talk and I’ve never been that big into science. I’ve never been a big reader because I always feel that I’ve seen it all before. Movies and TV shows always feel far too familiar. I am rarely surprised. I’m making my way through a book called “Waking Up” by Sam Harris. I’m mostly reading to expand my vocabulary, so when I write I can be more grounded. But it’s the same thing, similar thoughts, different vocabulary. I’m ready for something truly new. I am craving an existence beyond duality.

It lies in that very sensation. In that mango orchard, my understanding and acceptance of beyond duality, brought me to standing as I realized that we are all the buddha. We have always been the buddha. I was the buddha experiencing enlightenment. How do we maintain that? Eventually my stomach growled and I decided to moved about the grove. There I found a guava tree. This tree offered its fruit to me. It was so good. Walking back to the festival, I shared with my friends about this tree. They wanted guavas too. I walked back.

We should always walk to the trees from which we pick our fruit. I think reaching this place of expansive perspective, we can be more conscious about our food choices, where it comes from, where the clothes are on our back. I always enjoy eating something that I grew more than something I bought. I have more joy in wearing clothes that I embroidered, there is more power in that exchange.

Two lessons learned. It is important to always walk to the tree that gives your the fruit. When you are there only take what you need. You can always make the journey to walk back for more.

We are all just people walking around the mango grove looking for the guava tree.

The ability to be the Buddha is within all of us. The path of enlightenment doesn’t have to be a tedious one, it can be quite simple. Collapse duality, see the whole spectrum. And stay in that state as you move about your existence.

Looking for the Guava Tree in the Mango Orchard